In both my healing and psychotherapy work, I experience my patients'
struggles to find meaningful connection both in themselves, as well as
with others. The common thread appears to be a physical and emotional disconnect based in fear. Physically, this shows up in the body as an
inner grip or tension, often around the heart and throat both in the
front and the back of the body and often in symptoms of pain. The
challenge is that, often, this physical tension is unconscious. I
believe that until one is in right relationship with Self, he will be
unable to fully love another. We spend so much energy trying to hide
from ourselves, that when we find ourselves in the position to connect
with another, we are so far away from our truth, hidden behind false
selves, that real connection never happens.
The biggest block to
meaningful intimacy is self-acceptance. If you cannot learn to accept
and love yourself as you are, rather than idealizing some impossible to
attain commercialized image, then you will find yourself alone, in a
state of retreat from the outer world, in a state of self-hatred or
loathing. While this inner space may feel familiar and safe, it is no
doubt a very lonely place indeed. Without intimacy, there is no flow of
life force, no exchange of creative energy, and often people will feel
emotionally dead, trapped, or stuck in a negative feedback loop.
We
are relational creatures by nature. All modern psychoanalysts
post-Freud have accepted this as a fact. In his book titled "Intimacy,"
Osho states: "The truth is, existence does not believe in the superior
and the inferior. In existence, everything is absolutely accepted as it
is, there is no condemnation." I can usually tell when someone walks
into my office whether or not they accept and fully love themselves,
because in this state, there are no layers of junk or self-deceit to
block one's pure essence from radiating like the sun. As these layers
or filters are penetrated and either physically or psychically
deconstructed, then one's essence can shine like a very bright star,
and it is a very beautiful thing to witness.
So, this begs the
question, then, what is the answer to liberating ourselves from the
shackles of our own bondage? At the risk of being accused of being
glib, the answer, I believe, is being fully present in your truth. It
is real. The more you speak your truth, the less your unconscious life
will reign over your being, and then you are free and in the flow of
life.
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